Anyone watching thinking we know fuck all
about knowing fuck all about owt, needs to watch their back.
So you've had your Labour, reclassifying skunk,
sending prices sky-high, literally,
literally taking the grass from its own roots!
And now you've got your condemnation,
Liberals noshing Tories like altar boys picking dimps up!
Have we had a national fucking stroke or what?
Is revolution a word or was it never?
Anybody watching needs to know,
we cope better than average with irony in Chatsworth.
Well, for fuck's sake, we live in Manchester
and they charge us for water!
I wandered lonely as a clown, necking mushrooms rarely found.
This green and pleasant land in ancient times,
yak-yak-yak-yak-yak-yak-yak-yak-yak!
It's not theirs any more!
This is our England now!
Paaaarty!
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells http://UKsubtitles.ru.
'It's always hard to do the right thing.
'Probably cos the right thing is the one that's gonna benefit you the least.
'Like stopping to chuck some coins into a homeless bloke's cap.
'Even though you might need the change to take a piss
'in a public inconvenience later
'and end up with a little dribble in your pants.
'Or gently taking a spider outside
'instead of slippering it into the wall.
'Altruism it's called. Putting others before yourself.
'And you're not born with it. If anything, we come into this world little bundles of selfish,
'uncaring, tit hungry, miniature sociopaths.
'Guess it's lucky some of us eventually grow up.'
Girl! Where's my coffee?
Mm, nice.
I just don't like chucking stuff out.
It's getting beyond a joke. You can never find owt in here.
It's not that bad.
Punters ask for the nurses outfit
then spend five minutes watching a girl on all fours rooting around,
chucking plastic cocks over her shoulder.
Do you think they're paying for that?
I mean, look, when was the last time someone asked for the Baby Spice experience?
Is this real?
You did know this was here?
Hello?
Slow down, yeah?
What?
All right. Yeah, yeah, just stay there. Yeah, I'm coming down.
Let me guess,
another pissed off hubby's about to go all Marathon Man on you?
I am assuming that's a woman, yeah?
Look Gloria, I've got to go, all right.
Dominic!
Fuck's sake.
You. Home. Now.
What?
There's a pile of dishes in that sink so tall
Brian fucking Blessed's halfway up it.
Aye, and that's why we did the rota. In fact, it was Shane last night.
Don't be bringing me into this, thank you.
It was you three nights ago.
Which is why Billy didn't do them the next night
and Shane didn't do them last night.
So when is it that you do them?
When the rest of you are dead.
And since there's enough germs in that sink to fell a herd of elephants,
that won't be very long. Sort it!
Hoo-hoo! You know what they say, don't you?
Hands that do dishes and all that.
Your face could do with a little bit of softening.
If what I hear through my wall every night is anything to go by, Shane,
you're the one with calluses.
They've even got a live-in house maid. She's nice. Brazilian.
Is she now...? Should I be jealous?
People like that... It's like they can have whatever they want,
when they want. Don't matter what.
I can imagine. Here, can you do us a favour before you go back?
Don't worry. It's hers. She's been investing it in kinky boots.
And when I say invest, I mean stuffing it in 'em.
Why?
Because she doesn't trust the banks.
Tell him why, Lillian.
They killed Diana.
There you go.
Anyway, I've talked some sense into her.
Stick that in our account and I'll take her down tomorrow to open one.
Eh, how do you know she's got a Brazilian?
All in.
He's bluffing!
Am I, though?
Definitely.
Yeah, it's not up to you, is it?
It's between me and Billy boy here.
Bluffing, not bluffing...
Fold.
He's got fuck all!
Fuck's sake, Billy! Are you numb in the head or something?
Stupid idiot!
Told you he was bluffing.
Oh, hey! Mein Fuhrer says you've to sort that lot out.
Me?!
Shhhh! Don't wake her up, she'll go mental.
Yeah, she says it's your turn.
Is it?
Yep. Just reporting the facts, mate.
Oh, you're back? Well, I hope she was worth it,
cos I nearly slipped a disc carting them bags home on me tod.
Gloria, can I have a word, please?
Kind of in the middle of something here.
Right. Well, er, we've got a house guest.
It'll only be for a couple of days.
House guest? If you've brought back your latest piece of...
Hazel.
Gloria.
I was adopted.
Born a year ahead of Dominic. When he arrived, kept him,
sent me out to adoption.
Come on, Mum, you can have my room.
That was your mother?
Birth mother.
What do you think you're doing?
The washing up?
That's Ruby's job. Leave it alone!
She said that you'd asked me to do it.
She was lying.
Was she?
How the fuck do you dress yourself in the morning?
So, am I doing this or not?
What the fuck?!
Gloria, I know, I know it's not ideal, all right?
There's nothing else I could do. Her husband passed away last week.
Her stepkids, they're not big fans from what I can gather.
Had someone changing locks even as the funeral was taking place.
If I'd have known that's who you were bringing home, I'd have done the same thing!
All right... Hi, Mam.
Sit yourself down. I was just going to do a nice coffee.
Don't be silly, sweetheart, leave it to me.
Least I can do after you let me stay.
Actually, Mam, it's Gloria you need to thank.
Oh...
I did wonder.
Well?
Well what, Frank?
Do you need a lesson in cultural gender roles
in Western society or something?
Tradition dictates that whilst the man of the house goes out to work,
the woman prepares his dinner.
I'm not your woman, Frank! Anyway, you work in a burger joint!
I'm not going to eat that shit!
You should see what we do to it.
Shut the door, you pillock, it's freezing!
I've done something.
Done what?
The money... I've spent it!
You've spent it?! Three and a half grand?!
I've bought... something.
Fuck's sake, Marty, you're scaring me! Bought what?!
Hello.
Loads of them were, by this gang of men telling them
they were getting a new life. "Land of opportunity."
Only, when they get here, the jobs they were promised
and the homes... nothing.
A crate load of immigrants wash up
and the council aren't chucking fully-furnished semis at them?
Fuck me, they must be slipping!
Next thing she knows, she's being moved around,
bought and sold by rich families, working for no money.
She's a domestic slave!
So you thought, "Hey, we could do with one of them!"
You can't just buy a person, Marty!
You are aware of the irony, of course?
That's not why I did it!
Then why did you?
Because I had the chance to save someone, rescue them.
How often does that happen round here?
It wasn't your money.
I wasn't thinking about whose money it was.
It was an impulse buy!
She's not a fucking Twix!
You're going to have to return her,
first thing in the morning, get the money back.
Yeah, you kept the receipt, right?
I've got most of the bits. Where's your bin, please?
Now, I've heard the boys have took you for a bit of a ride.
I don't know why I play with them.
I mean, it's not like I'm thick or owt.
It's more like... I can't read people, you know what I mean?
Everyone always walks all over me. I'm sick of it!
You need to boost your self-esteem, and that's all.
See? I don't even know what that means.
Take this.
Last two tracks.
It's self-hypnosis.
Hypnosis?
What, like, pretend you're a chicken and shit like that?
It's subliminal learning.
It makes you more confident around people,
helps you to understand 'em, read their body language and all that.
'You already know everything you need
'to be master of your relations with the people around you.
'You have the tools. The signals are there.
'All you have to do is learn how to read them.'
You're a hairdresser, then?
What gave it away?
You should let her do yours while you're here.
Oh, no. I don't think so.
Funny seeing all this stuff lying around, though.
Reminds me of your Grandma's place, Dominic, remember?
Yeah. Never thought of it like that before.
Your mother? She was a hairdresser?
Yes.
I've always had a knack. Maybe that's where I got it from.
What was she like?
She was horrible.
She was, mind, Glores.
I used to hide behind the sofa whenever she came round.
You've got her eyes.
No!
Come on, she's here now!
At least she can have a crack at the bathroom!
Think, some of them skid marks have been there since Lip was here.
She's not working!
You're not working!
But I like working.
A woman after me own heart!
See, these welfare types, they don't get people like you and me.
What else should I do, then?
Anything you want!
Why don't you...
I don't know... sit down?
Here?
You don't have to ask my permission.
You can sit wherever you want to sit. It's your choice.
Not that one!
Yeah, laugh it up! It's your room she's stopping in.
Oh, it's the gift that keeps on giving!
You're kipping with Aidan!
First thing tomorrow.
Gloria!
What you doing, what's this?
Look, I don't want an argument, OK?
She obviously needs you right now.
But I just...
I can't be around her.
So I'm going to be the good sister.
You need a couple of days to sort her out.
You've got it. But I just can't be here.
Look, Gloria, I know it's hard, all right?
But it's hard for her as well, yeah?
You think about it. Seeing you.
Y'know, seeing what she's lost.
She didn't lose me, Dominic!
She gave me away.
She gave me away
and kept... you.
All right.
I know what you feel.
But trust me...
there was always regret.
What?
Well, she doesn't discuss you, does she? Or what happened, but...
there was regret.
Just stay, all right?
I think this can be good.
For all of us.
'All day, every day,
'people say one thing and mean another.
'The true meaning, the hidden meaning,
'is revealed by how they say it.
'There are over fifty muscles in the human face
'and each one has secrets to reveal.
'Learn these secrets, and you can be wise.'
I'm just getting in the shower to frig myself off.
Yep.
Wait! What did you say, then?
Watch the baby while I get in the shower.
Wake up! She's gone!
Who's gone?
Who'd you think?
Human traffic Barbie!
I'm going to have to go through the whole house, see what she's taken!
Aparecida wouldn't do that!
The complete stranger who talked you into parting with three grand?
Oh, no, I'm probably worrying about nothing!
It wasn't her that...
Just get out there and find her!
Before we end up in slave labour trying to pay it back!
Kelly! Kelly!
Not working today, Frank?
Oh, no. On strike. Solidarity.
Union of fast food employees out in support of,
I dunno... teachers, nurses, one of that lot.
I don't fucking know.
Y'all right, Billy?
How's that baby of yours?
'You should be sterilised, you gimp!'
Fuck you!
Ooh! You ain't seen me!
Where is she?!
I told you to stop!
You don't work here!
I do!
Aparecida!
Oh, thank God! Do you know her?
Of course he knows me! He's my master.
You what?! Look, if this is some kind of kinky sex thing...
I'm not her... I'm not your master!
I'm not her master! Fuckin-fried-rat-scrotes!
Come on!
It's my cloth!
What?
I brought the cloth!
I'll let Frank know he needs to come in, then...
Why does nobody want me to do my work?
What did you buy me for?
I didn't buy you!
Well, I mean, I did, but...
it doesn't matter.
I'm sorry, Aparecida.
You see, it's Kelly.
Kelly?
It's hard.
It's very hard.
I'm going to have to ask you to...
What are you doing?!
It's OK.
No! Stop it! What are you doing?
I meant I was going to have to ask you to come back with me to...
Does he? The man at the house...
Suck me cock!
Oh, not you!
Tickle me balls!
No! Leave them alone!
You shouldn't be worrying about that, not now.
There's more important things.
It was the proudest day of my life, your ordination.
Yeah, well, it's just a break, that's all.
You promise?
Have I ever told you a fib?
You hungry?
I don't think I even had breakfast.
Well, we can't have that, can we?
No, you know what?
Why don't we go out?
Grab some pub grub?
My treat?
Yeah, OK.
I can't take her back!
Not if that's what she's put through!
I'm sorry, I really am.
I'll find a way to pay you back.
I knew you couldn't trust them banks.
What?
Excuse me?
The money wasn't yours?
Well, no. Not technically.
Then you bought me.
Yes, I suppose I have.
Wait, Aparecida!
Abracadabra?
That's a bit of a mouthful, that.
Do you mind if I call you Brenda?
No, of course not.
Come on, Brenda.
I'll show you the kitchen.
Ow! What's up with you?
What's up with me? What's up with you,
sitting round the house all day doing fuck all? Get up!
Four fucking days! No more excuses! Clean it, now!
I can't.
Why not?
I'm... I've got things on my mind? OK?
What things?
I found a lump.
It's... It's probably nothing.
You're going to have to get it checked out, love.
Yeah, I will. I am.
I've got an appointment. This evening.
Careful, will you?
'You blind as well as retarded? Knobhead.'
I don't know what you expect me to do.
If you ask me, this has just got us right out of the shit.
She's living in a brothel!
Yes. And your girlfriend works in one, remember?
No, that's different.
So it's all right for me but not your Portuguese princess? That it?
She never had a choice! She didn't then and she doesn't now!
I can't just give up.
Marty, it's Lillian.
She may be silly as arseholes, but when it comes to taking care
of waifs and strays she's in a league of her own.
Trust me.
The one place this girl will NOT be exploited, is here.
Y'all right, luvs?
Now go and unblock that toilet.
Know what you're saying, more of a tit man meself, like.
'Sooner have a fat length of cock any day.'
All right, calm down.
Look if you're still smarting over that poker loss,
I'm sure we can give you a chance to win it back this afternoon.
You know what? You're on!
So, I mean,
I guess I haven't said, but... I'm sorry.
About your husband.
Thank you.
So you know, you're fine to stay as long as you need...
Mum.
And y'know we can help you. We could go to the council,
or talk to someone about housing...
D'you think I'm destitute?
But Dom said that your stepkids, they...
They got the house, yeah.
But I still got a nice lump sum, thank you very much, he knows that.
Just need it to clear, then we'll both be gone.
Both?
Well, it's hardly healthy for him is it? Living here. With...
With you.
No, I'll get him back on track, always have done,
no matter who leads him astray.
Good luck with that, then.
You must admit. She does do a good cuppa.
We'll take her back.
Sorry, I can't spare her.
I'll pay you.
I don't believe this. Now you want to rent her back?
With what exactly?
I could do some of the work for her.
Whatever you've got her doing, I'll take her place.
Brenda!
Madam?
Madam! That's good, isn't it?
Have you got that list of jobs I gave you?
Ta.
Let me see this.
OK, you know what?
You knock yourself out.
Oh. That's it. Oh, go on, get right in there.
Oh, oh, oh!
Oh yes, yeah.
Oh, oh, oh...
There's not enough soap in the world!
Is there any bleach?
You're funny. You didn't have to do this.
But I did. Because I chose to.
It was my choice, that's the difference between us.
When did you last choose anything for yourself?
What would I choose? I have everything I want.
You've got nothing.
I have a place to live. Food to eat.
What else is there?
Everything!
Nights out, parties, PARTIES!
Making mistakes, being spontaneous and stupid,
getting drunk and dancing on table tops.
Just getting out your face.
Anything, as long as you do it because you want
and not cos you're ordered to.
That doesn't sound a good way to live.
You've never tried it! You believe all this is normal
because you've been forced into thinking that way.
Nobody tells me what to believe, I just believe what I do.
The only person trying to force me to be different is you.
You don't want to be free?
Do you?
You live with Frank. In his house.
Kelly, she works here, men give her money and...
That's different!
How?
She can stop.
Why doesn't she?
I don't know.
She doesn't want to.
It's not the same! Why can't you see that?
For a start, no-one makes her dress like that,
and answer to the name of "Brenda."
OK, maybe some people do.
But she still chooses her own life.
Then why can't you let me choose mine?
Right, need her back.
These bum-beads aren't going to un-knot themselves. Come on.
Glores?
Where is she?
I asked her to go to the shop.
To buy you some sweeties?
No. Because you weren't there when I came out, so I...
You thought that maybe she'd told me? That she's not exactly homeless,
and that you two have talked about moving away together?
Jesus, Dominic.
What you said! "Her regret?"
I sat there reaching out to her...
and you made the whole thing up?
What was the point?
So you wouldn't...
leave me with her.
What?
I can't do it, Glores.
I never thought I'd have to once she'd re-married,
but now it's just me, isn't it?
Or who she thinks I am.
Just me and her.
Someone who dotes on you?
Someone who'll give you everything without question?
Until the role shifts. They always do. Then what, eh?
She'll get older. She'll need looking after,
so she'll expect me to come along...
You are not seriously telling me...? All this?
You want me to bond with a woman who rejected me
because you have flashes of adult nappies and plastic sheets?
Christ, Glores, what d'you expect me to say, eh?
I can't be responsible for someone!
I can barely be responsible for myself!
I just want to stay here, with you.
Fuck!
What can I say, lads? You've all got too many tells.
'How'd a waster like you pull that off? What do you know?'
'Still a shit dad to my little sister.'
'Cheating, slap-headed, mother-porking shitwit.'
I told you, I'll get a taxi.
Credit where it's due, I suppose.
Don't be stupid, love.
Fuck off! I beat youse all, yeah? Fuck off!
Fuck's that about?
Sore winner, apparently.
Shane, I need you to drive Ruby.
Oh. Right. Course.
You told him?!
Like I said, we're all here for you love.
Which one is it?
Oh, my God.
Hazel, look...
Don't. I don't want to hear it. You've changed him.
This is all your fault.
You thought you were going to get away with that, did you? My fault?
He never talked like that before he met you.
No. He was such a good little boy, wasn't he?
I mean, that's what you always told him, isn't it?
The chosen one.
The one Mummy kept.
He still walks round like that, you know?
People take it at face value.
But he can't have any meaningful relationships.
Can't settle down, can't open up.
I don't blame him.
I had to look after my mother in her old age. He saw that.
Saw the way she treated me.
Even now, you'll find an excuse for him, won't you?
So will you.
Something in common, then.
Why was it him?
And not me?
I didn't love you.
I'm sorry. I know that's not the answer you wanted.
But it's the truth.
I held you in my arms and that bond you're meant to have?
That maternal instinct?
It never came.
I wanted it to, waited for it,
cradled you to my chest,
willing myself to feel something, anything.
But, no.
I think maybe it was the eyes.
You really do look a lot like her.
I guess all mothers leave their scars, don't they?
Don't worry.
I imagine he'll be round for Sunday lunch before you know it.
And you can just go on and pretend none of this ever happened.
Something else we have in common, eh?
I don't know what I've done without her.
Best three grand I've ever spent.
Couldn't lend us a couple of quid, could you?
Jackson. This is...
Brenda.
Brenda is Lillian's slave.
Sorry?
Here, you two should think of getting one!
All right.
Now even I'm starting to question the moral implications of this.
See, I know I'm not the smartest.
I always thought that's what people were telling me.
But it was more like they were thinking I was a failure.
As a husband, as a father,
and as a person.
Maybe when you grow up,
you'll feel the same.
'That's bollocks, Dad.'
What?
'Doesn't matter what other people think. It matters what you think.'
But... but they laugh at me.
'So, what? Folks can think you're an arsehole or Einstein.
'You can't control them, and why would you want to?
'Get us my juice, will you?'
But the cards. I won...
'It was luck. He underestimated you.
'It's the way it goes.'
But I can read people.
'Oh, really? Like you're reading me right now?'
Yeah.
'I'm a baby. I don't have tells or body language.
'Eat, sleep, and be cute is where I'm at.
'You're projecting your thoughts onto me.
'There's no magic. It's just you.
'And for what it's worth, right now,
'you're the best dad in the world.
'And now, if you don't mind,
'I've got a big skidder in my nappy that needs sorting.'
Oh, come on! Cheer up, mate.
Listen, if you're still interested in human trafficking,
I've got one in a wheelchair at home.
Could do you a good deal on it. Barely used.
Marty, you did everything you could.
Marty!
Hello?
Hello, hello?
We live in a world...
We... we live in a world
where life is so cheap
that actual people can be bought and sold.
People like this woman here.
That's all right. I'm very happy.
A woman who's brought to this country.
It's not exactly "I have a dream," is it?
But he's giving it a go. Come on.
With the promise of a better life.
It's fine. I have a very nice life.
Only to be sold by person to person
like a piece of furniture!
He was the one that bought her!
Lillian. Please, do what's right!
Give this poor girl her freedom!
But let her keep the outfit!
No, no it's all right! Please!
Fine, you're free.
What?
I can't believe you did that!
Was it all right? Was it all right?
You were amazing!
Well, we'll have to sort out a payment plan.
I found one myself once, y'know.
A lump.
Not on me tit, mind you, but on me bollock.
Turned out it were just a blocked sweat gland.
They give it a quick squeeze,
all this yellow shit came flying out of it.
You'll be fine, I'm telling you.
That is very reassuring, Shane.
Thank you.
Which hospital is it, anyway?
Huh?
Oh, it's...
Not got your appointment card?
Yes. It's just, erm...
Sure you don't want me to come in with you?
No, no, no. I'm fine.
Just need to find that card.
Not St Thatcher's, is it?
Yes, that's the one, St... Thatcher's...
Brew?
Please.
Your nails?
Your fucking nails?!
It was stupid, OK?
I don't know why I said it.
But once I had, I couldn't take it back.
I told you about my bollock!
I didn't ask you to!
This is it for you now.
Please, you can't tell Mimi.
My mam will put up with a lot of shit, right?
But pretending you've got cancer...
to get out of doing the fucking washing up?!
Fucking hell!
What are you doing?
I can make it worth your while.
I know that you want me.
If you keep my secret, I can keep ours.
No idea what you're doing.
I don't fancy you.
You're my cousin.
Hmmm... doesn't feel that way to me.
What are you doing?
Get the fuck out.
Fuck off!
Right, I think you've had enough.
Don't tell me what to do!
Nobody tells me what do anymore!
I'm free!
Down, now!
Right, that's it! Out!
Out!
She never used to be like that when I had her.
Oh, for fuck's sake!
Come on!
Aparecida!
A sweat gland?
Yeah.
Thank the Lord for that!
So, does this mean you can do the washing up now?
She's just got over cancer!
Any joy?
I've looked everywhere.
So...
it's good though, innit?
Because now you've got your freedom back.
Not physically, obviously. But in principle.
And they might not deport you!
One day I will come back
and give you your freedom.
See how you like it.
'I say altruism doesn't benefit you,
'but I suppose there's the feeling you get
'from knowing you've done the right thing.
'Sparing the life of the spider,
'or giving a tramp some change.
'Even if you can't afford to take a piss at the station.
'It feels good.
'And that's a fair swap for a little damp patch in your trousers.'
'You should always try to do the right thing.
'That's what I believe, anyway.'
Shit.
'Cos, think of the alternative.
'Think of that feeling you get,
'when you know you've definitely done the wrong thing.
'That gnawing, sickening, twisting in your stomach.'
'The knowledge you can never go back...
'..and undo it.
'Ever.'
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells http://UKsubtitles.ru.
Right, that's about it.
Oh, apart from this last one.
Can't read your writing.
I think it says... Brazilian.